RE:Connect

I'm officially an RN!!!

I have finally had some relief in my life over the last week. I found out that I am officially a registered nurse! I passed the boards and I can finally breathe again! I was quite nervous going into take the NCLEX for the second time. I answered 75 questions and when the computer shut off all the sudden, I was wishing it would turn back on and give me a few more chances to answer questions. 48 hours never seemed so long until you are awaiting test results! When the time had finally come to check my results, my two best friends bravely stood behind me holding their breath, hoping that I had finally passed. For the last 6 weeks I have been working with a personal tutor that helped me form a plan of how to pass the NCLEX. It was well worth the money, because my tutor not only helped me learn how to answer the questions, she helped me to find a confidence in myself that I had lacked before. After you fail a test like the NCLEX, it makes you question if you are really smart enough to be a nurse. Now that I have passed and I never have to do practice questions again, I know that I am smart enough and good enough to be a nurse. It was just a little set back that I had to push myself through. It was not easy coming home everyday from work to do 200 questions. It was not fun to miss spending time out with friends and family. But, it was the priority for the time being. I screamed so loud when I saw my results that I passed. It was well worth the wait and it was amazing to celebrate such an accomplishment. Now every time I write my name, Kari Wujcik, RN, I am proud. I am proud because I worked so very hard to get to this place.

Just a Little Set Back

I am sorry to report that I have some bad news. I found out last week that I did not pass the NCLEX. It is such a disappointment and you would not believe the numerous emotions that I am experiencing. Last week, I felt pretty terrible about myself. More than anything, I felt incredibly embarrassed and frustrated. I've been fighting back tears everyday I have worked since I found out the news. I know as soon as one of my colleagues or preceptors asks me if I have passed boards, all the emotions will come streaming back. I was so looking forward to being able to only focus on one thing for the time being- instead of school and tests, and work and everything else. But, for the next 45 days, I get to study more, which I am so tired of!

On the bright side of all of this, I still have my job. I know of some other hospitals here in town that fire you if you do not pass the first time. I have made a plan to move on from all of this. Even though I feel incredibly discouraged, I will be meeting with a tutor that hopefully can help me find areas of weakness in testing and help me to improve. I know that I struggle a great deal with test anxiety, but I honestly felt that I went into the NCLEX very confident and calm. I don't really know how to not be anxious the second time around. I guess this truly is what the average graduate nurse goes through after school. I keep thinking that I probably could have studied more. I could have waited a little longer to take the test and maybe then I wouldn’t have failed. I could have done a lot of things differently. I am trying to remind myself that I was successful at Belmont and I know I have what it takes to be a nurse, I am just discouraged. I have pushed myself very hard to get where I am right now and I know that in itself makes me successful..
 
I think that anyone who has failed at something quite substantial in life would feel the exact same way I am feeling. It has been very hard to be around the other nurse residents, hearing them talk extensively about the NCLEX everyday and then hearing that everyone around me has passed.  I know it is not the end of the world. I am not going to let one test control my emotions and the fate of my nursing career. I know that many others do not pass the first time around and go on to become amazing nurses. I know I will pass the second time. Soon all the sad feelings will surpass and I will push myself to pass the test. It was very hard telling all of you that I did not pass. But, I thought if other graduate nurses are reading this blog, that it could help them to know that not everyone passes. I would also love to hear from others what they focused studying on. Any advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated!

Career Decisions

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season and is well rested for the New Year! I appreciate everyone's thoughts and comments about how they prepared for the NCLEX. Today I received my authorization to test number and finally scheduled my date to sit for boards. I take the NCLEX at the beginning of February. So, I have ample time to prepare, which I am very happy about.

I've only been graduated for a couple of weeks, but there are numerous things that a new graduate nurse has to think about. Currently, I've had to make the decision of whether or not to choose the critical care or acute care track within the pediatric nurse residency program I will be starting at the end of January. I am very conflicted with this decision for many reasons. First, I feel very passionate about pediatric oncology and this area is eventually where I would like to end up in my career and eventually pursue further education. However, I am very interested in working in the pediatric intensive care unit. I find both fields of nursing to be both mentally and physically challenging. I am torn though, because I feel like if I went into oncology right out of school, I would become too specialized in one area of nursing. I feel that if I started out in critical care I would have the potential to see everything under the sun and learn a great deal of information that would better prepare me to become specialized in oncology later on in my career. Even though oncology is under the acute care track, I would still be able to spend a couple of days in the oncology unit. I was able to find out that the amount of time I spend on each unit does not necessarily determine if I am matched to a particular unit.

So, I mailed my information of my choice to start the critical care track yesterday. But then today I started freaking out. I wondered if I made the right decision. Am I disregarding what my true passion is...to work in pediatric oncology? Did I just sign up to go through a year of hell in the PICU, because it is going to be extremely difficult? Am I smart enough to be working in critical care? It is amazing the doubt that runs through my head everyday because this transition of going from a nursing student to a graduate nurse is scary. It is a time of uncertainty of which I am trying to learn to adapt to.

Even though my decision is already made about which track I selected within the residency, does anyone have any thoughts about graduate nurses becoming specialized from the beginning of their careers? For the other bloggers, did you all start out your career in oncology and if so have you ever worked in any other units or regret your decision?

What Next?

I can not believe I am finally finished with school. It is a really weird feeling to have worked on a goal for so long and then to have actually completed that goal. I was talking with my mother yesterday and I had the thought that I have been in school for two decades, pretty much my whole life!

So, what does a person do after they have actually fulfilled their dreams and goals? I guess you are to strive for the next big thing in life. For me, the next big thing is passing the NCLEX. That is pretty scary in itself. The NCLEX is like the breaking point. So many thoughts are running through my head!!! Did I actually learn everything I needed to in nursing school to prepare me for this scary test? Did I do enough review questions? Will I make a great nurse? Will I be that 1% in my graduating class that has to repeat the test? Even though I have all of these very common anxieties, I have to have faith and confidence in my abilities that I will be a great nurse and I will pass the test! I will have 6 hours for a little computer to test my abilities. I could have the minimum of 75 questions or the maximum of 250 questions.

So, for those of you who have taken the NLCEX and lived to tell about it, what did you think of the test? For those of you who took the NLCEX a very long time ago, how has the NLCEX evolved throughout the years? And, any helpful hints to prepare for the test?

The Nurse Pinning Ceremony

This past week has been surreal. For the past past 5 years, I have focused on finishing school in order to become a nurse. My mother and I joke around that I am on the "road to success." This past weekend I finally reached the end of that road and to tell you the truth, it's just plain weird. I don't quite know what to do with myself! On Thursday night, in front of my closest friends and family members, my mother had the opportunity to pin me. The nurse pinning ceremony dates back to the times of Florence Nightengale. The ceremony is given for graduating nursing students, family and friends and is a symbol of welcoming graduate nurses into the professional nursing world. The nursing pin was once proudly worn by all registered nurses on their crisp, white uniforms. Today, it is rare to see nurses wearing their nursing school pins, but nonetheless, the pinning ceremony remains close to their hearts. I am sure that each nursing schools' pinning ceremony is slightly different, but Belmont University's ceremony ended with the lighting of candles and each nursing student reading the nurses pledge in front of our friends and family. It was an honor to stand in front of my family pledging to take care of each patient with dignity and to uphold the highest standards of practice. I would like to hear from you all what you remember of your nursing schools pinning ceremony. Did anyone special have the opportunity to pin you and what does the nursing pledge mean to you?

Senior Practicum Experience

    The final semester in nursing school, nursing students are required to complete a senior  practicum where they choose an area of interest and complete 72 hours of clinical experience on the assigned unit, working alongside a preceptor. I completed my senior practicum at Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital on the myelosuppression unit. I had 4 weeks to complete this requirement and it was hard to see that some patients’ conditions were worsening. It was difficult to grasp that some patients had passed away; exciting to see that others were able to go home and difficult to see that one patient in particular was in the pediatric intensive care unit for numerous complications. I took care of a 15 year old male with chronic mylegenous leukemia, the first day of my practicum and throughout my rotation. The patient recently progressed to liver failure and was in need of BIPAP. The patient was past the point of looking neon yellow from being jaundiced, he was now green. My preceptor and I went to go visit the family and patient in the PICU during our shift and I was stunned. He looked awful, but his parents were still as sweet and hopeful as ever. As nursing students, we rotate through so many different units in hospitals that we do not really have the chance to form relationships with the patient and their families. The relationships I hade formed with this particular patient and his family made this experience that much harder to deal with in the end. After visiting this patient in the PICU, I was stunned. It was definitely eye opening, because for so long you see oncology patients in the state of just experiencing the side effects of chemotherapy and waiting to regain their counts. I had not seen such critical patients on the myelosuppression unit before. Seeing a patient in this critical of a state made cancer a very real thing for me. Since I have completed my practicum experience, this patient has passed away. I am relieved that he is no longer suffering in pain. 

    For some reason, throughout my experiences this semester on the myelosuppression and trauma units, I have had to face the reality of death head on. I have listened as doctors have told families there was nothing else the healthcare team could do for their loved ones. I have seen families hold onto to the smallest bit of hope just to have one more day with their child. I have come to work the next day and have heard the sad news that a patient has passed away. It has been a rollercoaster of emotions this semester. Most 23 year olds don’t even think about death. But, for nursing students and any healthcare professional, it is a daily part of the job. I am learning to leave things at the work, but I don’t think I will ever forget the patients that I have cared for that have gone to a better place. I think I will always be sensitive to this matter and I guess I will have to learn how to toughen up and not get attached to patients. However, I am just a softie in the end. That’s why I wanted to be a nurse in the first place. I care about others and their well-being. I don’t think I would be a good nurse if I didn’t have those qualities.